1/2 a year

Six months today. What a somber day. Seems like it was just yesterday on some days, others, seems like it was a lifetime ago. I miss him so much. He was my first and only baby! I think about him constantly. 12:45 this morning, he is all that was on my mind! Who is he, well he is Skylar Zentner Young I, born 11/22/85 died 01/23/09! The day my world came crashing in around me. I hear other people talking about how they wish they could just get rid of their kids for a while and it makes me really sad and angry, because oh how I wish I could have just one more day with mine! Got the autopsy report yesterday, finally, and that opened it all wide open again, spent the day reading that and having his life flashing before my eyes, from birth till we buried him. There were a couple of things on there that I didn't notice at the hospital, his dad says they looked through a microscope, we were looking through tears. You would think a momma would notice things on her child. I looked at his hands, his feet, his face, his arms, his legs, his chest, his everything.

Skylar Zentner, momma loves you and always will!!

Live life for today......

Finally....

Well it has been a while since I have been on here so I thought maybe it was time. Life is so wonderful these days, the boys are getting big, Hayden will be turning 6 the 5th of next month, Duce is almost 3. Man how fast they grow. I got to spend the day with them on Friday! We had lots of fun, even though I was wore out at the end of the day. Hayden learned how to call Poppa from my phone, BIG MISTAKE!! When I told him no, he just called Poppa and he said yes. Duce has learned a few new "choice phrases" that aren't so good for him to be saying.
I am so happy to have the love of my life back in my life now. It is like we were never apart.
We have been going to visit our son on the weekends. Went last Sunday and I was Okay, I haven't been Okay in a long time. I was really disappointed in myself for feeling this way. That is until everyone kept telling me it is Okay to be Okay, and Skylar wouldn't want me to be the way I have been.
Life is Wonderful, but remember, you only have today, tomorrow is never promised.

Live life for today.....

Lemonade??

When life throws you lemons, do you make lemonade? Sure have been making a lot of it lately! It is so nice to be living out of all the drama and chaos I have known for so long! Wonderful to be happy again! My Tuvok and T'Pel went to a new home, hope they will be happy, thanks Aunt Tammie for taking such good care of them! The birds are adjusting and happy as ever!! They are talking more now than they ever have! I love it!

Live life for today.....

5 Months

Today has been five months since that terrible phone call, seems like it was just yesterday! I love and miss you so much my son!

Live life for today!!

Weekend

What a weekend, Tam has the pups, so I was there every morning and evening taking care of them while she was away on vacation. Went to McAlester and got a new car, that I love, it has A/C, a radio with a cd player that works, the horn works, I have a key that will get into every door and the trunk and the windshield wipers work!!! I feel like I am really moving up in the world! Loads of laundry were done, some unpacking was done, had to come back to work just to get a break!!
Went to the cemetery on Saturday, took a Mustang and put on Skylar's grave, this was a hard visit with him, first time in 5 years I haven't been able to call and say Happy Father's Day son. Tried to look at cards, however, that was not happening! Had to get out of the store.

Live life for today!

Moving on in Life

Ok so I finally done it, the move is almost complete, a few odds and ends left to get out of the house. It is time for me to be me and find out who me really is! Steve is going to be upset, but I think he will get over it. I got an apt that is perfect for me and the critters. Just hope the birds don't get too loud that the neighbors complain! I think my life will continue to improve from here. The way things have just fallen into place, I think this is a God thing.
I have been through so much in my life, that it is time for some happiness!!

Live life for today....

To My Son

My son, my baby boy! I miss you so much! I think it will never quit hurting so bad! I dream about you, I think about you every waking minute. I want you back in my life, so I can hug you and kiss you and wipe your tears away and tell you everything is going to be ok. We could play basketball together, go for a drive, ride the motorcycles, shoot the gun, sit on the porch and talk or any of the many things we used to do. I really don't know how to live my life without you in it. I pick up my phone to call you, and realize I can't. I find myself wondering when you are going to call, just to remember you aren't! I want so bad to be able to talk to you! I talk to you every morning driving to work then through out the day and driving home from work, then through out the evening. I wonder if you are hearing what I am saying. I long to hear your voice and see your face in real life. I know you sent me the message that everything would be ok, but I'm not ok. I feel like I am just dieing inside and nothing can stop it. I just want to go to the cemetery and lay by your graveside and never leave there. Tomorrow is 4 months since we laid you to rest. How could time keep going when you are gone? I love you forever and a day!

Live life for today.....