Christmas

Christmas this year will not be happening for us. Hayden will get what he wants, Duce will also have his when we finally get to see him. Even though people don't want to hear me say this, it has been the hardest year of my entire life! Not even doing all the drugs and being disowned by basically everybody I know or getting off the drugs and saving my life or the horrible times I have had in my life has been as bad as this year. Fault me if you will, but don't judge me until you have walked in my shoes.
Some may think it should be easy to get on with my life, some think I should care about other things that are going on around me, well let me tell you the truth, I am as happy as I can be with my life right now, nothing anybody can say or do will ruin that. I just want to be able to live my life and get to have the time I deserve with my grandsons.
I am living out the words of my Aunt Ruby! On January 23, 2009 she told me "baby this pain will never go away" (and she should know) " Don't let anybody tell you what to do or what not to do, you have to do what you feel is right for you" Thanks Aunt Ruby, you are so right!
What will tomorrow bring? Who knows, but I know I am finally after many years being true to myself!

Live for today!

I love and miss you my son!

Making Memories

Hayden was over again on Friday night, he has proclaimed that Fridays are his day and night with Momo and Poppa! We have so much fun. Before our visit with him on Friday, we decided to go to Walmart to buy some things to keep him from getting bored. Last weekend that he came, he was trying to get Poppa to teach him how to juggle using shoes, well I can tell you that didn't work out too well, Momo's feet are small, but not that small. So we bought 3 Poppa sized balls to juggle with and in order to get balls small enough for Hayden's hands we had to buy 3 sets of jacks. Then we had to look at the board games, 500,000 points in Yatzee is a bit much! So we decided on Trouble. Poppa decided to get him some "Bubba" teeth that he could take out since his own don't come out! (anybody who knows Poppa knows what that means) Then it was off to the video store where kids movies are free! Fox and the Hound and Fox and the Hound 2 were hits with him! Strike one up for Momo, they were my choices! Anyway, Hayden will be a juggling pro in no time, I just know it! He loves to play jacks too, we had a blast in the floor playing. Did you know they make them huge and plastic now? Makes it harder to pick up 10 at a time! Ok now to the game Trouble! Well, for a beginner, he beat us not once but twice and this was fair and square, well almost completely! He says there is no way he can lose, and at Momo and Poppa's that is a true fact!
The whole reason for this blog is making memories is so important in life! Anybody who reads my blog, if you get nothing else out of it other than that, I will be happy!

Live life for today!

Happy Birthday Angel

Happy Birthday to Our Son! We love and miss you like crazy. When you were born 24 years ago our lives were changed forever. We could not have guessed then how the unconditional love of a child would feel. You brought many smiles, laughs, and tears into our lives. You brought us two beautiful grandsons to love and cherish, and we promise to never let them forget their daddy. We will be forever grateful to you for showing us how to live again and for bringing us home.You will be forever in our hearts and on our minds.
R.I.P. Our Guardian Angel, we love and miss you Momma and Dad


Dream as though you will live forever, Live as though you will die tomorrow

Rekindled Love

Teen pregnancies, teen marriages and teen divorces, I know all 3 very well! You see, I was pregnant and married at 16, gave birth to my son (RIP) 3 weeks after turning 17, divorced at age 18! Went on with my life full of ups and downs. Then 22 years later found my first love again! If your love can last that long being away from each other, then it must say something about some teenage love!
Sometimes when we are talking, it feels as though we are in 1985 again! What an awesome feeling! We were apart through the years of our son growing up, but we will be together watching our grandsons grow and will be a part of their lives the way it should be!
For anybody who lost that love of your life and has never known love again, I am truely sorry for you!
Live your life the way YOU want to, not how others want you to! I love you Roy!

Dream as though you will live forever, live as though you will die tomorrow! RIP my Angel

Hayden

Spending a day and night with our grandson! What a good time we had! Go to pick him up and get a tour of their new house man is it nice! Hayden had to show us his fort, these old bones are getting too old, but it was fun climbing up into it and seeing him so excited! Then it was off to the video store to take an hour picking out a scary movie! That's always an experience! Then to McDonalds to get dinner then home! We watched his "scary" movie about sharks since his movies always come first! Then, have you ever seen a 6 year old play Yatzee? Well I'll tell you it's pretty fun, but did you know it's possible to get a gazillion points in one game of Yatzee? Well it is if Poppa is helping you with your score! He also had fun drawing tattoos on Momo's arm! Then to bed watching Back to the Future! He likes time travel! Our next day started early, 6:20 to be exact! Breakfast was good, he even asked for more! Then it was off to Nana's and the park! Did you know that girls worry too much? That's what Poppa and Hayden think anyway! At the park he got a history lesson on coal miners, which he thought was cool! Then our time was up so he went to Nessa's house! He had to show us that he can infact ride his bike without training wheels, because he wants a dirt bike! He tried to pop a wheely and crashed, poor boy! He is such a sweetheart, thanks Lee for being such a good mom and letting us be a part of Hayden's life!

Days come and go

Can somebody please tell me how I am supposed to make it through the next 3 months? My birthday came and to keep from going completely crazy, I slept all day! Now I have Skylar's birthday to make it through on the 22nd of this month! How do you do this? I guess if you haven't lost a child of your own you really don't know that pain! People say move on, well I say to these people, you go through what I have, then you can tell me just how to move on!! Until then, if you can't just listen to me when I need to talk about my son, then don't bother having anything to do with me! Then we have the holidays coming up, and OMG I can't even think of January being here again! I love you my angel!

My Dearest Son

In the words of George Jones, with a few changes:

Imagine a world with no 2Pac rap songs,
Then think of a club where nobody's drinking,
If you ever looked up at the sky with no blue,
Then you seen a picture of me without you!

Did you walk in a garden where nothing was growing,
Or stand by a river where nothing was flowing,
If you seen a red rose unkissed by the dew,
Then you seen a picture of me without you!

Can you picture Heaven with no angels singing,
Or a quiet Saturday night with nobody partying?
If you watched as the hearts of your boys broke into,
Then you know what life's like for us without you!

I can't even begin to say how I am feeling, I am seeing that dark place again and I know it's because of the time! I love and miss you my son!