Peacefullness

Every morning since I finally sleeping after Skylar died, I have been waking at 3:22. Sunday morning for the first time I didn't. I was so upset! I really wanted to go to the cemetery but didn't have the gas or the money to go. I called my mother in law and asked her if she would take me and of course she did. While I was there, the most amazing thing happened, something I will never forget and I didn't want it to end. I know Skylar was there with me! This gave me so much peace! I truely wish everyone who has lost a loved one could experience what I did, I promise it would change lives! I'm not a "religious" person, I am however very spiritual. This experience made me look to heaven and thank God for what He had allowed me to see and feel. I really haven't quit smiling since then!

Live for today......

Forwarded Poem

My dear son! I miss you so much
It keeps hurting, I can't stop crying
My eyes always search for you in the sky

My dear son! I love you so much
I feel so empty without you
I am so scared of my future without you
Heart longs for being around you for my safety

My dear son! You are my angel
I still feel that you are caring for me from above
I tell my broken heart that you are still watching me
Heart longs for your care even from heaven

My dear son! You are my protector
I remember you when I feel lonely
I talk to you when I break into pieces
Heart longs for your support from heaven

My dear son! I was thinking I gave you life
The reality is that you had given me life
Without your presence, I can't exist
Heart longs for your company in my heart you exist
Please be there in my heart........ I love you Son!

I absolutely love this poem...it says it all!

Hell on Paws

Ok so Tuvok and T'Pel have gotten really close. Tuvok just turned 2 and I had forgotten what it is like to have a much younger puppy in the house. With T'Pel, anything that hits the floor is hers! So she thinks anyway. While cleaning out her bed, I find Peppy's coconut shell that goes in his cage, a perch chewed all to pieces, a ball (which is hers), Tuvok's favorite chew bone, a sock (one of my new ones), Steve's wrist brace and a dental bone, all this "hid" under her Green Bay Packers blankie that Auntie Vicky made for her. How can one 2 pound 4 month old puppy gather and hide all this stuff? Tuvok was NEVER like this, however, I do remember Munchkin being almost this bad. We also tried on our cute little bumble bee dress again this weekend just to see if if fits yet, and it does! This means we now know what size so we can have another Packers dress to show our love for football, I'm sure if she could find a football, it would be in her bed also!

The 4 puppies moved outside yesterday and they love it. B'Elana, on the other hand isn't quite so sure. She still wants to be in the room. She gets to go in and sit on her sofa all by herself. I got attacked this morning when I walked out the door by 4 starving little babies so I had to turn around and go back and get their food, for this they loved me!

I will quit rambling for now.....

Live for Today...

Strange Light

Some people may think I am crazy, however, the time at night for Skylar to call me was between 3 and 4 am. As I am sleeping on the sofa the other night, something sat me straight up at 3:22 AM. I seen a funny shaped light on the blanket hanging between the living room and kitchen. I turned to see if someone was driving down the dirt road towards our house but the curtains were closed and no light coming through them. I then had to get up and see if it was coming from the kitchen side, still no light there. The light stayed for a while, so I had a talk with Skylar. Talk about strange, but very calming. If only we people on earth could know what really happens after death.

Note to Tam, don't fight back the tears, that is a cleansing part of life. There isn't a day goes by that I am able to go without crying for what seems like hours!

On a brighter note: The puppies have found their bark! They will be 5 weeks old tomorrow and ready to be adopted on Feb 27.

Sky's of blue

Have you looked up into the sky lately? Today the sky is beautiful blue! Last night all the stars were out and shining so bright as I lay in my living room with the lights out, I was looking out the window up into the sky. There were millions of stars, so cool. Makes me wonder what it would be like to be up there seeing first hand up close what they are really like. I do believe it would be so awesome.
Not too much more to say.....Live for today!

It's a brand new day

Well life as we know it is going on. I don't have 8 birds anymore. 4 of them went to a new home. Man is it hard to cook for only 4 birds. 2 of the cats went to new homes, Yahoo! But now have 4 puppies, almost ready to go to new homes. They were born on 1-16-09. Their Daddy is Toby (RIP) and their Mom, we that is B'Elana. They are going to be big dogs and hopefully good dogs like their daddy was.
T'Pel and Tuvok are now inseparable. They love each other so much, unless T'Pel has a toy that Tuvok thinks he should have or if she has food he thinks he should have or if it's bedtime and they aren't on the correct person. T'Pel has to sleep with Mama and Tuvok has to sleep with Daddy.
Work is work. I am trying to get back in the swing of it again.

Live for today!

My world came to a crashing halt the morning of January 23. I received a phone call from my mom telling me I needed to get to McAlester right now, when I asked what was wrong she told me that Skylar, my 23 year old son, was at the hospital and they weren't telling anybody what was going on. I was frantic! Steve couldn't get up and dressed fast enough for me. So I called the hospital emergency room to find out what was going on. I explained to the nurse on the other end of the phone who and where I was. She then proceeded to tell me the words no mother ever wants to hear, I'm sorry to tell you ma'am but your son has passed away! The drive down there seemed to take 2 years. The following week I was just on auto pilot, knowing that things had to get done. It's all kind of a blur to me. We burried my dear son on January 30. God how I miss him.

I was in a mode for the next week after we burried waiting and wanting to get to the cemetery so I could spend time with him. Well it happened finally on Saturday. I got to spend some time there, the weather was beautiful. I went through lots of memories, I am so glad to have so many good memories. He spent the night with me on January 10, I mad him a cake that he proceeded to have half eaten before I could put icing on it, he also ate the whole container of icing by spoonfulls while eating the cake. When he left my house the next morning, he got out of his car 4 times just to give me a hug and tell me he loved me. This is just one memory of thousands or millions!

Let this be a lesson to us all, NEVER expect tomorrow to come, we are not promised a tomorrow!